Why was 4 not impressed when 5 won a prize for 6?
Because 511472.
Not Jokes
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
Do not trust atoms! They make up everything.
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
Why could the blind man not see?
Answer: Because he is blind.
Knock knock.
Who is there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go moooooooooooo, not whooooooooooooooooooooo!
What were Steven Hawking's last words?
Error 404 File Not Found.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."
Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.
Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
I knocked on Stephen Hawking's door, but nobody answered...
All I got was "error 404 page not found."
Q: Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
A: It did not want to get stuck in a crack.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.
