Not jokes

You do not spell "computer" like this; you spell it like this: "cumputer."

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared. I was actually delighted.

Fishing is like sex: when it is great, it is great; when it is not so great, it is still great!

Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.

A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. The farmer says, "I milked your cow." The neighbor replies, "I have a bull, not a cow."

What do you call a Down syndrome kid who has been physically abused by older teenagers and her parents for a total of 16 years and has red marks all over their body?

Not funny because Down syndrome jokes aren't funny ;)

I like my women thick, so if they aren't over 375 pounds, they're not stepping into my room.

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.

It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!

How old is uuuuuurrrr mom?

Five.

Cringe.... I know that was a crap joke... not even a joke.

You're not my dad.

One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.

Why do pizzas not tell jokes?

They're too cheesy.

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!

Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

She didn't have any arms.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.