Not jokes

Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

What do you call a dog with no legs? -- Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

What is heavy forward but not backward?

"Ton."

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously not 8, because it's still dark in my basement.

In my spare time I help blind children. -- I mean the verb, not the adjective.

Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

For sale: Dead canary.

Not going cheep.