Not jokes
Me: Name all the planets.
Other person: Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Neptune, Mercury, Uranus.
Me: Not my anus!
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."
I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."
Abortion is not murder; it's canceling a pre-order.
Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Your hairline is so big, not even a black hole can eat it!
If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Butter. Butter who? I butter not tell you.
What's the difference between a bad joke and an actually bad joke?
An actually bad joke is not funny, like this one!
Q: What do you call a boomerang that is not coming back? A: A stick.
My fortune cookie said, "Your existing plans will succeed." Not necessarily, since I'm suicidal...
I can tell a joke :)
Twinkle, twinkle, there's a car Coming like a shooting star. I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.
Roses are red, violets are blue, faces like yours belong in the zoo. Don't worry, I will be there too, not in the cage but laughing at you.
"Ur Grandma" You think you're funny? Well, sorry, but you're not.
A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"
What do Hiroshima and Herobrine have in common?
They're not heroes.
What could've the Towers done to not start 9/11?
Call 911.
I called my mom on Alexa, and she told me, "Please take out the trash." I said, "But I can't, you're not here."
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!