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Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

  • 3

    • Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.

    Anyways,

    Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?

    More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!

    But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.

    How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.

    How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.

    Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".

    What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".

    If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.

    Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!

    Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.

    What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low

    Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.

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    • ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

    Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

    Get your mind out of the gutter.

    A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

    One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."

    I wrote a few jokes:

    What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.

    Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.

    What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.

    Top 10 Cos:

    1. Disco 2. Flamenco 3. Fresco 4. Fiasco 5. Monaco 6. Tobacco 7. Bronco 8. Morocco 9. UNESCO 10. Taco

    Pexico? Not top 1000 in my honest book.