Not jokes
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like everyone else in the plane.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
Is anyone else on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop?
What's the difference between you and Frankenstein?
He is not ugly like you; plus, he has a wife.
What type of cake can orphans not eat? Homemade.
Why can't orphans ever be criminals?
He is not wanted.
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
People keep telling me that I should stop making sh jokes... bro it's not that deep.
Two nuns walk into a liquor store, and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied, "Heck no sister, you nuns aren't supposed to drink that stuff!" The nun said, "Well my son, it is not for us, you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers, "She has the constipation."
The clerk said, "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have." The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave. A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled, he goes over to them and says, "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
If you think this joke is funny, give it a dislike. If you think it is not funny, give it a like.
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
Life is a try not to kill yourself challenge.
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
Y'all are so rude on here. If you don't like what I put on MY profile, you can click your rude ass off of my profile and look at some other fucking jokes. DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RUDE TO SAY ABOUT ME!
Schools be like "dRuGS arE BaD," then prescribe a 6-year-old Adderall for not wanting to sit in the same spot for 8 hours.
You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.
One day an orphan threw a boomerang. It's not the only thing that didn't come back.
Why is it okay to hit orphans?
It's not like they can tell their parents.
Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?
Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.
Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.