None jokes

You're so fat that you have to live on Pluto so you don't destroy any of the planets.

If 4 birds are sitting on a fence and one gets shot, how many are still on the fence?

None, the rest fly away.

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."

Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.

There is no god. None, not one.

How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.

How many cats are in the human body?

None, unless you're Asian.

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

What war game can the French win? None, they are always losing.

None of these jokes really took off.

Your hairline is like Mr. Clean's... nonexistent!

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

Your

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Deeeeeertt.

But when?