None jokes

Alicia was not a popular girl. None of the guys noticed her. Once she got a boyfriend, but then he cheated on her with Katy and said, "You're not sexy enough, Katy is much hotter."

So Alicia took a match, set herself on fire, and screamed, "THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!"

And then she died.

How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."

There is no god. None, not one.

Why can’t orphans have sex, my friends? Why? They have none to call daddy.

How many people can jump higher than a mountain? None. Mountains can't jump.

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

How many cats are in the human body?

None, unless you're Asian.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

What war game can the French win? None, they are always losing.

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

None of these jokes really took off.

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

Your hairline is like Mr. Clean's... nonexistent!

Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.

Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.

Deeeeeertt.

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But when?

What's the difference between a human and a potato? There is none, you can eat both.

What do you call a favorite joke that isn’t your favorite?

None fave. Foch heads.