None jokes
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats," but none of them touch the man's penis and say "well done?"
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
none
But when?
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
IAIAIICID
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."
None of these jokes are funny.
What?
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.
Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.
Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.
Tried making 9/11 jokes, but none of it kept falling apart.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
I make many jokes about jobless people, but none of them are working.
How many Joe Biden jokes are there?
None, because they're all true.
I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(
I went to watch Ghost Rider at a cinema in Paris. As I took a seat, I saw none other than Pessi sat at the front row with a pen and notebook. I asked him what he’s was doing at the cinema since there was a big game coming up. He replied, “I’m taking notes from the best.”
And vanished.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.