Nice jokes
Everyone: "Wow, you're so nice and perfect! Your life must be great!"
*Reality of having depression* Me: "Oh yeah, I guess. 😀"
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Tip for Kindness for the day.
Tip one. Always speak up for yourself.
Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for yourself, be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for yourself and others if they need it. Best, Gwen
Orphan joke protest! Orphans are nice and kind, so stop joking about them!
Sign a comment and put me or anything else to protest about!
Good luck, Jake.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Bully: "Shut up and give me your money, otherwise I will tell everyone that you are still a virgin."
Boy: "Haha, I am not a virgin anymore."
Bully: "Haha, nice joke."
Boy: "If you don't believe then ask your sister or brother."
Bully: "Hah, I don't have any sibling."
Boy: "Will just wait for 9 months then u will know."
One day a guy named Carson is called a jerk, and he says, "I went to a party with my girlfriend, and this random guy walks up to us and says, 'Can I borrow your girlfriend for 30 minutes?' I say yes, and he takes her upstairs. It was not only 30 minutes, but an hour. When she came back down, she was out of breath, so I knew it was a pretty intense conversation." This happens about 3 more times that night.
But as I was saying, only a nice guy would let his girlfriend make friends with other guys. 😊😇
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
If a midget says your hair smells nice, is that sexual harassment?
To Mr. Nice Guy, you are nice, sweet, and caring! I am so grateful to be your friend!
"This isn't the first time my husband's cheated on me, but you're my sister! You'd better have a better explanation than this magic lamp."
"You know how you have to be specific making wishes? Well, I was really horny and asked the genie to have the world's biggest penis....ended up with a concert pianist that's seven foot tall. Nice guy. Next time I tried, I asked for the world's biggest cock, that was fun but the poor rooster died. So I asked for the world's biggest dick and that's how I ended up on top of your husband."
Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"
Me and kid: hug.
Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
An ugly, arrogant woman walked into a store with her 2 kids, yelling at them.
The store clerk pleasantly said, "Good morning ma'am and welcome. Nice children, are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling and said, "Hell no they are not, one is 9 and the other is 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just bloody stupid?"
The clerk replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid ma'am, I just can't believe someone would screw you twice."
Daughter: So, I got my period.
Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!
Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?
Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.
Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)
Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)
Santa said my mom was good... But she is on the naughty list.
Lesbian stands for:
L: Loving
E: Extra
S: Shitty
B: Bitches
I: I
A: Am attracted to
N: Nice girls.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
What do you say to a woman in a wheelchair with no arms or legs?
"Nice tits."