Next Jokes

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, "Who just threw that?"

The boy says, "Me! I'm going home now."

little timmy said"i had a body eieio now you are next"as he shoots you

If you say to someone "have a nice day!" It will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours" They'll be terrified.

I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked "where is your sister", and i said in line to get crushed.

one time i broke up with my roblox girlfriend by sending her a message, 30 seconds later i heard my uncle crying in the next room

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a padophile however I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8 year olds

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

What do you call two micahael j fox's standing next to eachother?

Parallel Parkinson's

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next.

A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.

Person 1: you are the dumbest person in the class. Person 2: well ur the second. Person 2: maybe but at least im not the dummest. Person 2: i know how to fix that! ... Next day person commits sucide...

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"... But she did.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say "You're next". So I started poking them at funerals and saying "You're next" to my friends.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them just answer the phone and say "Pizza Hut abortion clinic where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you. But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.