i'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to new york so i flew them to new york and hit the towers that was a tragic story
New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."
Students: "OOOF"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Your Parents."
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
On my 21st Birthday my mom told me I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child your going to to get something good and something you been looking forward to is what my mom said. Me my mom and my on;y friend celebrate my Birthday then we all went to sleep I woke up the next day I ask hey where my gift you said you got me. My mom said since your father left us you have have no father figure in your life. So this is your new step father the only thing it was my only friend.
what is the the main group of teens in a west side story? New York jets
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal." The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed? Ground beef
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
Breaking news (2020): depressed pigeon misses shitting on people
there's a kid with loads of new fire men equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kids asks the firemen come have a look at my new gear so the fire men go look at his gear so then the kid says kid: I've got a helmet a big jacket and a oxygen tank and a little wheel barrow for my gear
firemen says: why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls the kid says so I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
What is the New York fireman's favorite song?
It's raining men.
A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"
Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."
Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna...-" Vortex: "You'll do what?" Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!" *Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness* Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."
Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.
DH: What did Vegeta say to Bulma? A: What? DH: Can I show u my new move it's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK. :)
-Dark_Humor
New Gen iPhones are designed for orphans, cause they don’t need a home button
