Worst Jokes Ever

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then remember I have a brother, then I feel better.

If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I saw your mom beat you.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Your hairline went back faster than your adoption papers!

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

One time I looked out the window and then I saw my sister, and she wasn’t even my sister anymore...

Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

I hate stairs. They are always up to something.

I love stairs. They are always down to party.

What is an orphan's favorite car?

A family car.

Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.

TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"

Orphans: "Yea."

Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.

Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?

Kid: I don't know.

Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.

Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.

*Officer arrests Elmo*

Elmo: But who wants tickles?

What punishment are teachers unable to do to orphans?

Call their parents.

Why are vampires always sick?

Because they are coffin.

Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.