Worst Jokes Ever

My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.

I got suspended for telling the emo kid to hang in there.

I knew a girl that died from having phone sex... He died of hearing aids.

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?

Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.

Why do orphans not know if they're lactose intolerant?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

Throw a few paper airplanes at the twins in your class, see if they fall.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

You have a problem with jokes about dementia? That's funny, I don't remember asking.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back? Sadly, the hardest part to eat of the vegetable is the wheelchair.

My favorite novel is "The Hunchback of Notre Dame".

I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.

Why do orphans like pedos? Because it's someone that loves them and they can call "daddy."

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

There’s a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.

A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.