Worst Jokes Ever
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
We cut and kill flowers because they're pretty.
We cut and kill ourselves because we are not.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
What is Hitler's least favorite month?
Jewly.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
What did the rapist say to his victim?
"Go ahead, call the police. We will see who comes first."
Muslims love to exaggerate, that's why they always blow things up.
Your life.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
The cat said hi.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"