What do you call a retarded fruit?
Mentally in-pear-ed.
Worst Jokes Ever
Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.
[Chorus 2x]
Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.
Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.
So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.
[Chorus]
And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.
Why did the picture go to jail?
Cause it was framed!
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
The inmates are yelling 12...12...12... in the courtyard.
A man walking by is interested why the keep chanting 12...12...12... so he sticks his head through the fence and the inmate poked the man in the eye.
Moment later they start chanting 13...13...13...
Bill Cosplay
Electricity.
What is a Jedi's favorite Italian dessert?
Obi-Wan Cannoli.
What did the bounty hunter call his favorite dog?
His Boba Pet.
What kind of car does Yoda drive? A Toyoda.
At a date:
He: "I work with animals every day."
Me: "Oh, how sweet! What do you do?"
He: "I'm a butcher."
Did you know that Germany came up with sparkling water?
Who else would think of adding gas?
What is a Mexican's favorite type of dog?
A Chihuahua.
Your mom... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who dresses like a merman? Posiedown.
What is Ba + 2Na?
Ans. Banana.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looked in the mirror.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"