Yo mama so fat, she got more rolls than the sand dunes.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
Same time next month?
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
Yo mama is so stupid, she shoved two double A batteries up her butt and said, “I’ve got the power!”
Life is like giving head... it always sucks.
What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russel.
What objects have the most gravitational force?
A Lambo and a gold digger.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
What do a pedophile and a clock have in common? Neither of them go past 12.
What can a mouse do?
He clicks.
What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
What is pedophiles' favorite prey: Vegetables?
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand-up.
Why did the squirrel do the backstroke?
He wanted to keep his nuts dry.
