Worst Jokes Ever
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea and not the bay?
Because then they would be called bagels! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You know what the yin and yang looked like before Martin Luther King Jr.?
There was none, it was all white!
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
What would good be if it was a place?
It would be a desert because it had too many droughts!
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
Friend 1: I HATE YOU!
Friend 2: *cries* b-but i-i didn't s-say that!!
Friend 3: *writes on paper with pencil cuz is so bored*
Me: *points at pencil lead* NOW NOW NOW THIS HAS *LEAD* TO SOME SERIOUS FRIENDSHIP LOSS! Plz shut up.
All my friends: *groan at horrible pun*
They say nothing is impossible, but I've been doing nothing all day.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
I wonder if [I] would have rekt Hitler in a 1v1 build battle in Fortnite.
When I try to roast someone; Boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii you stink!
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the street?
Because it got stuck in a crack :)
I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.