Worst Jokes Ever
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight?
Alien vs Predator.
A guy walks into a gun store and everything is half off. He looks at his son and says, "I didn't know back to school sales started yet."
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
My boyfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.
What does it say on Stephen Hawking's grave?
"Rust in peace."
Rust in peace.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.