Worst Jokes Ever

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

Stephen Hawking's death was simply an accident. He pressed power off instead of sleep mode.

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow cases? They've been making headlines.

Why doesn't Santa have kids? Because he only comes once a year.

Psyonix's OCE servers.

Who's the fastest reader?

Me, 'cause I'll be jumping off so many stories.

If you fuck your sister in front of a redneck, are you appropriating their culture?

I adopted a dog. It's gone now.

At least homeless people in China are not starving.

Phone rings; "Are your parents home?"

Orphan; "Stop calling here!"

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?

I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.

What's the a simulation between a penis and a Rubik's cube?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?

One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!

"Dustin Jordan Manna should have been an abortion."

How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

What is the best cure for aging?

Suicide.

Stephen Hawking died because he turned off his VPN.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.

What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.