Worst Jokes Ever

"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."

We never saw him again.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?

Because he doesn't listen to it!

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So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.

When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.

"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.

Then it clicked.

"Ah, so that's how you died."

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?

Cauliflower.

What do you call a short student?

A Ravin.

Justin.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

What do you call a bullet head?

JFK.

Which room is the safest place in the house?

The living room.

Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?

The "Ching Chang Gang."

Why do orphans never play baseball?

'Cause they can never get a home run.

What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef?

Beefthoven!