Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?
The wheelchair.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
A cardboard belt is a waste of paper.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
This isn't a joke; I just want to spread awareness of anatidaephobia.
I put glue in a man :)
I hate these double standards.
Burn a body at a crematorium and you're doing a good thing, burn a body at home and you're destroying evidence.
What do we call a skeleton who has a ton of travels?
A skele-TON!
I'll never forget my grandma's last words, "What are you doing in here with that hammer?"
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."
Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."
Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
Don't worry, neither have they.
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
Your mam is gay.
Knock knock! Who's there? Deja. Deja who? Knock knock!
Yo mama so fat, when you married your sister, she was big enough to sit on the groom's side and the bride's side.