Worst Jokes Ever
A woman walks into a supermarket and sees a blind man swinging a dog around in the air. So, the woman walks up to him and asks, "What are you doing?" The man says, "Just having a look around."
"Hey, today was great."
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car."
My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.
What’s the difference between a living and dead person?
I don’t know, I just bury the coffin.
Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we'll die.
We're all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.
What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?
There’s twenty of them!
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?
We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!
Solve this equation: a gay boy + a whole lot of drugs = A hyped up f'ing machine.
Actually doing homework.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain!
When do astronauts eat?
At launch time!
Why was the whale sad?
Because he is blue!
I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.
Is your fridge running?
Why yes, it is!
Then you better go catch it!
I'm trying to come up with a set-up for an amputee joke, but I'm stumped.
Why don't Jedis make puns that often?
They usually have to force them. (I hate myself for that!)
Why is 6 scared of 7? 7 8 9.
Seven ate nine.
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.