Worst Jokes Ever

I moved all the Bibles to the fiction section because there is no God, as said Stephen Hawking in 2011, but in 2018, God said there was no Stephen Hawking.

Butthole.

Which one of Lord Arthur's knights invented the round table?

Sir Cumference.

Fuck burger.

Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Why do toy bears have small eyes?

Because they were made in China.

Cancer.

Why do toy bears have small eyes? Because they were made in China.

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.

Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!

I want to die.

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Did you hear the rumors about butter?

Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.