Worst Jokes Ever

I want to die.

Following your dreams is good... especially since you won’t have to worry about them putting any restraining orders against you.

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

Hey, fatboy, why are you so damn fat?

Because every time I f*** your mom, she gives me a cookie.

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

What did Mother Mary say when God farted? Jesus Christ, you stink!

I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"

Did you hear the rumors about butter?

Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.

RAID HIM https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCZEAEVyTsAdnjawrdCkDu-A/videos

There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl's house. When he got there, he said to her father, "thank you for this moment, have a great night".

At the dance, the girl asks the boy, "can I have some food?" He gladly replies "yes" and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, "thank you so much, I really needed something to eat". Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, "thank you SOOOO much". Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, "what is it?" She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

Bust it open for Jesus!

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

Keep calm and curry on!

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

Time to get a new fence!

How do you know a vampire's sick?

If he's coffin (coughing?)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me :3

"Dick me down shorts."

Canada has free health care, here is a link to some Canada Facts! https://www.1stcontact.com/blog/20-interesting-facts-about-canada

A police officer said to a belly button, "You're under a-vest."