Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
A man got fired from the first coin factory. He exclaimed, "No! This is the only thing that's ever made cents!"
So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me."
We never saw him again.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead. My dad's dead.
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
Justin.
