My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.
Damn, DIN just went over me and I'm trying to figure out what it is. A camel's dick.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.
What did the Emo say to the surgeon? "Cut me, please!"
I like my humor like my people. Well done.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
You know the sport that Mexicans are good at?
Cross-country.
Why did the pervert sing "Gucci Gang"?
Because a woman just gave him a lil pump.
You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.
What's the difference between a paycheck and your penis?
You don't have to beg your wife to blow up the paycheck.
What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?
Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.
Q: What's 8 inches and makes my wife scream when I put it in her mouth?
A: Her dead fetus.
