When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never get a home run.
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef?
Beefthoven!
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An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!
So a woman walked into a bar. There was a man. She went up to him and said, "You're cute." He said, "Yeah, and you don't deserve equal rights."
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Names......
What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
Why did people bully Steven Hawking?
Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
