Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
How do you get 50 babies into a car?
You blend them.
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
Chuck Norris doesn't ride horses.
Horses ride him.
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
My wife's dyslexic, but hey, nobody's perfect.
Damn, DIN just went over me and I'm trying to figure out what it is. A camel's dick.
Babies can spread a nasty smell,
especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"
Why do orphans always get picked on?
They can't run and tell their parents.
Where did the cake sleep on the stove?
In a pan.
Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.
