Worst Jokes Ever
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand-up.
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket: you can hide, but you can’t run.
How do you make a plumber sad?
Kill his family.
My dad asked, "Where are you going?"
Me: "Back to the orphanage."
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool?
Posiedown.
What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident?
An amputation.
Why did Billy drop his ice cream?
'Cause he got hit by a bus.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Do you know why I don't like stairs? They are always up to something. #dadjokes
Have you tried eating a clock?
It's time-consuming!
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call a fish that can use a katana?
A salmon-rai.
Dear algebra,
I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field.
Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."
My happiness.
What's worse than 10 babies nailed to one tree?
One baby nailed to 10 trees.