Worst Jokes Ever
My family is like treasure. I need a map and shovel to find them.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
Wife: "Honey, I'm pregnant."
Husband: "Hi, Pregnant, I'm dad."
Wife: "No, you're not."
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall?
Dam.
I fell down the stairs once.
Is it all right when there is nothing left?
AIDS?
Two old people sitting on a bench. One turns to the other and says, "My butt fell asleep." The other says, "Yep, I heard it snore a couple of times."
Why do animals hate playing card games with foxes?
They’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Why do animals have playing cards with foxes?
Because they’re a bunch of cheetahs!
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
- What did the skeleton say to his friend?
- Actually... TIBIA honest, I don't know how to complete this joke...
Ur mom gay.
What did the hat say to the tie?
"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"
What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!
I told my friend to fly a plane,
But he threw a ramp off a roof.
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.