Worst Jokes Ever

Yesterday, I saw an advert with a random woman dancing, and someone said that they were beautiful.

And then I said, "Except the fat people." And then I got sent to my room for saying that.

What is Alan Turing's reincarnation doing?

Getting revenge for what some people said about him being gay.

A man gets arrested after writing "MORBID JOKES COMING OUT THIS TIME NEXT YEAR!" and "I'm gay!"

I will always remember my grandpa's last words. "Shit, the ladder is falling!"

Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?

Because he had a crush on her.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat?

The wheelchair.

Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?

A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”

I am a sheep.

How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.

When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!

Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."

Kid: "OK THANK YOU."

(AT BED TIME)

Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"

Ben: "I'm not."

(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"

Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?

A: There’s no signal.

What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.

Why did the baseball player go to jail?

Because he stole first base.

The only reason Stephen Hawking died was because he saw the end.

"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.

Why did I shoot my dog?

Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎

Yesnt.