Worst Jokes Ever
What do a moose and a triceratops have in common?
Both have noses.
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
If the shoe doesn't fit, there's no evidence.
Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
Why did Helen Keller ride a broken roller coaster?
She didn't see anything wrong with it.
Anyone who says they don't like cats has never had one cooked right...
What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
One is USA, the other is USB. 😂😂😂
What's the difference between America and a flash drive?
One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂
What does your mum and Istanbul have in common?
They are all insane comebacks!!!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
I asked my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her, "How did you do that?" but there was no response.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.
Stephen Hawking's death was completely accidental.
He pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep".
So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alabama.
Alabama who?
Alabama your cousin.
My sister said the onion is the only vegetable that can make you cry...
So I threw a carrot at her.
If you want to punch someone, just punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Pssh.