Worst Jokes Ever

I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"

Uranus is a gassy planet.

My version of the Roses are Red Poem in MW3:

I thought Soap could trust you. And so did I too. So WHY IN BLOODY HELL DOES MAKAROV KNOW YOU?!

What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.

I got some from suggestions, research, etc. etc. Just to illuminate you.

I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.

What goes moo? Cow.

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My favorite toast for parties:

May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.

Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

Why don't some people like pennies?

Because it's common cents.

What did the chef on the Titanic scream as he tried to finish the dishes? "Oh no, the sink sank!"

Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?

A: Blue stop signs.

Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.

Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!

Man 3: Me first!

Some of you people on here are complete incels and need to learn how to spell and properly construct simplistic grammatical sentences that actually make sense.

Three Nazis walk into a bar.

How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.

Ok, so, a mole goes up to a snail and eats him.

It was a seven course meal if I say so myself.

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

What was Beethoven's favorite insect?

The bee! :0

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.