Worst Jokes Ever

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.

Three guys are stranded with cannibals on an island. The cannibals said, "Each one of you come back with 10 pieces of fruit and shove them up your butt showing no emotion." The first guy came back with 10 apples, and by the second one, he started to grunt, so he was killed and eaten.

The second one came back with cherries, and when he went to put the 10th one in, he started to laugh, so he was killed and eaten. The two guys met in heaven, and the first guy said, "Dude, you were so close. What happened?" The second one said, "I would have made it, but I saw the third guy come back with 10 pineapples!!" 😝😝🤣🤣

Why don't stags buy drugs? Because they are too deer.

What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"

There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, 'cause they are all copycats.

An orphan finds a genie.

Orphan: "My first wish is to be rich."

Genie: "Of course."

Orphan: "My second wish is to be famous."

Genie: "Done."

Orphan: "I wish my parents could come back!"

Genie: "I told you I can't bring people back from the dead!"

Yo life.

Sub to KYMBO or you are gay.

What do you call a bunch of llamas?

Alpaca llama.

Why was Stephen Hawking always bullied?

Because he couldn’t stand up for himself.

Fortnite Android Beta

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.

Once a knight was called a "kuhnigitt," that's because he was one!

Good night, boys.

I like goodies.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.

Your mamma's so stinky that perfume leaks where she puts it on.

China is a place. I once went to Buckingham Palace.

So I thought about trying to eat a clock one day.

After about 13 tries, I realized this was very time consuming.