What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
I hate my life.
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
My jacket tore a little bit. It's a ripper.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
We have some leak in the fridge. I'm surprised nobody has called a plumber.
What's the difference between a baby and a mansion?
I've never seen the inside of a mansion.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What's a bull's favorite body part?
An eye-BULL!
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
That is not a joke hahahahhaha.
Me: What did one toilet say to the other?
You: What?
Me: You look flushed!
Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?
Many soles were lost.
How do trees find each other? They log-ate!
My disabled dad went to the grocery store.
He got lost and yet they couldn’t find him.
Finally, he was found after a kid told them he was in the vegetable aisle.
It’s so sad how Stephen Hawking was just rolling too far away from the outlet. RIP :(
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other is just a watermelon.
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
I just watched a program about beavers.
It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen!
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
