Why do elves go to school?
To learn the elf-abet.
"Knock knock."
"Come in."
Yo mama so fat that when she walked past the TV, you missed 3 episodes of your favorite show.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)
A monk asks the priest if it's okay to kiss a nun.
The priest replies, "Just as long as you don't get in the habit!"
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
Hey, I asked for a paper, but I thought it was a cut, but it turns out it was tearable.
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because someone booted her in the face. 🤣🤣
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was in a wheelchair! 🤣🤣
Do you know why Peter Pan is always flying?
Because he Neverlands!
"'There is no God.' - Stephen Hawking (2011)
'There is no Stephen Hawking.' - God (2018)"
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
What is Jack Frost's favorite mode of transport?
A Tri-cycle.
Why do crabs never give to charity?
Because they're all shellfish.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
I just shed my pants.
Why do dogs like skeletons?
Because they're boneheads.
