How many dead babies does it take to put in a new light bulb? Not thirteen, cuz my basement is still dark. Let's try fourteen.
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.
What's the difference between babies and onions? I cry when I cut onions.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender?
Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
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Jesus took bread and said, "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said, "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise, and Peter said, "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
yo mama so fat she went swimming with the whales and sang "weeeeeee areeeee fammmilllyyyyy!!!!!!!"
Indian porn
Ooooh oooh oooh
Baaaaaa
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
He's fat!
What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
How did Sally get a free trip to Hawaii? She washed up on shore.
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
Going in a military.
The last thing I heard from them is: "Goodbye!"
Why did the roster cross the road twice?
To prove it was not a chicken.
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
His wife forgot to plug his wheelchair into the wall.
