Worst Jokes Ever

What do you call a cup with a handle?

A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(

Grandma, I can’t believe I have Alzheimer’s.

One second later, Well at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s.

hg is cool.

Dear uncle, I want my condoms.

What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?

One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"

I am disabled and I find these jokes appropriately hilarious.

It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.

"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"

"Shut up and leave the bedroom."

After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"

Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.

"What the heck are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Your mom dot com.

Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?

IHOP.

Jupiter

The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.

The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.

McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.

Religion

Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!