Worst Jokes Ever

So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.

"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.

"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."

"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.

Grandma pointed to the campfire.

How does a cow do math?

With a cow-culator!

Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.

What was Helen Keller's favorite color?

Velcro.

You know what’s impossible?

Steven Walking.

I bought my spoiled brother a trampoline for his birthday, but he decided to sit in his wheelchair like a little bitch.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!

So I was watching TV, right? Then I f***ing got banged in the eye with either a remote or metal tongs. "WTF?"

What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.

We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.

I was going to tell you a joke about a big cat, but I would be lion.

...... fuck the turtles...... THE END

Why is the iPhone X the perfect phone for an orphan?

Because there is no home button.

I like my wine like how I like my women: 10 years old and locked in a basement.

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.