Worst Jokes Ever
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
What happens when you hear about Mary Brittain beating a Thomas?
You cook spaghetti with his blood!
Do fish have tits?
Fish tits.
Did you hear about the fish and chips? The fish got battered, the chips got salted.
What do you call a man who likes rape jokes?
A fucking disgusting scumbag with no intelligence whatsoever. If you actually joke about this, you are the reason humanity has faded.
Your hairline is so bad, when you look in the mirror, your hairline looks like an endangered species.
Your hairline is Vegeta’s upside down!
My grandpa and your hairline go way back.
Why aren’t Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
"Just because I don't like Lewis Hamilton, doesn't make me racist."
Stephen Hawking: like a cross between Nikola Tesla and... a Tesla.
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
Captain of the Titanic: “Where’s all that f***ing water coming from?”
Oh, look! It's Uranus!