Worst Jokes Ever

The other day my mom called me a retard.

I'm now an orphan.

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

My sister asked me what is dark humor. I asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? "Kinder Surprise!"

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them where their parents were.

God, I love working at an orphanage!

Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.

Yo mama so fat when she laid on a water bed, she laid on the whole Pacific Ocean.

Life is like a McDonald's meal; it only lasts 7 seconds for fat people.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.

Whenever you see an orphan taking a selfie, photo bomb him and say, "Family photo!"

Did the leaf or the emo fall out of the tree? The leaf won. The rope stopped the emo.

A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"

You should always be happy about family and love.

kapteyn = captain

When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?

SHUT UP!!!

What do you call a funny drink?

Punch!

Q: Sex is great, only your mate can sometimes be a little nuts!

(I am still a single young virgin.)

What did the cucumber say to the bell pepper that wasn't wearing enough clothes?

You need more dressing.