Worst Jokes Ever
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.
What do you call a group of depressed teenagers?
Suicide Squad.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would just climb up your ego and jump down to your IQ.
There was a woman from Ealing, she had a peculiar feeling. She laid on her back, opened her crack, and pissed all over the ceiling.
So I guess Ice Cube was right, Eazy's dick smelling like MC Ren's shit, and Eazy died of AIDS.
How do you surprise a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why did the kid cry?
His dad didn't get the milk.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
When I'm bored, I go into an elevator with a full duffle bag. Once people come in and the door closes, I zip open the bag a little bit and whisper to it, "I'll get you some food once we get off."
People are like sharks; only the great ones are white.
A depressed kid tried to give a tree a high-five, but the tree left him hanging.
What does a lesbian and a sea turtle have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
Yes (DYM 66).