Worst Jokes Ever

Johnny, make a joke. The joke is you because Little Johnny has a sense of humor because you're an idiot.

Me and my twin when we share a pizza: there can be only one!

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

What's 2+2? FORE-head.

I invented a time-traveling machine and traveled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid. They told me, "It wasn't an asteroid... it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct." Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Pessi!

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

What is the gassiest planet? Uranus.

Her (DYM 121).

I went up to the depressed kid and said, "I like ya cuts G!"

Why can’t orphans be gay? Because they have no closet to come out of.

Me: Hey, have you seen my butt?

Him: No, have you seen where it is?

Me: Maybe here on your private part hehe.

Him: *dumps my head on the toilet* HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR ASS NOW, PERVERT?

Why do the orphans keep going back to the orphan home?

Because they got no home to go to, yeah, please like this and laugh because I got no one to read this.

What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.

Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.

I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.

Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?

Friends: No, what is it?

Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.

Hey!

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

A phone is like parents. Not everyone has one.