Worst Jokes Ever

said (DYM 107)

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

Little Mickel was on a tree.

He fell down and hurt his knee.

He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.

They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

If you were a fruit, you’d be a ‘fine-apple.’

It says in the Bible to only think about what’s pure and lovely... So I’ve been thinking about you all day long.

You’re like a fine wine. The more of you I drink in, the better I feel.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got "fine" written all over you.

On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?

They found out that Michael Jackson was transgender, he went from he/him to hee-hee.

Every Dorito bag for orphans is family sized.

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

The person I hate: Omg, my mom and dad just died.

Me: Omg, I am so sorry, don't worry.

The person I hate: I have a boyfriend.

Me: Well, I have a mom and dad.

The person I hate: Rood.

Me: Shut up.

What do you get when you kill a brown chicken and brown cow?

Dead chicken and dead cow.

What does the cow say when it's going on holiday? - MOOOOOYORK.

I’m sorry deez nuts can’t fit in your mouth.