Worst Jokes Ever

Little Johnny brought a baseball bat to school.

The teacher asked why he had one. He said, "I need it to beat up the principal!"

When the principal found out what Little Johnny had said, well, let’s just say Little Johnny didn’t need no baseball bat to kill him.

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

Cancer kids be like: "When I grow up... lol nevermind."

This joke never gets old. Just like the child.

My friend said, "Let's have a sleepover."

Little did I know it was just at prison.

Why do blondes make bad bank robbers?

Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.

How can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives three fucking nights in a row.

Why do orphans like the iPhone 12 Pro?

Because there is no home button.

A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

What's red, green, and goes 90 miles an hour?

A frog in a blender.

"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"

"It's a girl."

Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.

Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.

Roses are red, Violets are twisted, You bend over, You're about to get fisted.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

Yo mama so fat that she broke the chair by sitting on it.

Yo mama so fat, she needs to go to the gym.

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

What do they feed a gorilla in Paris?

Ape Suzettes.

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.