What bee doesn’t fly properly?
Kobe.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!
I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
Dear Victims... äh Passengers, we are flying now from Ryadh to New York. Amazing Building... äh Amazing City. There's online, but 2000 there were two Towers... äh Restaurants. We hijack the plane... äh Hi Jack. Jack is my co-pilot, and I said hello. Don‘t scream... History Repea... äh... History never comes back, we are now flying back to the Airport. 💀
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I'm adopted :[
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
JFK and Abe Lincoln were some of the most open-minded presidents ever.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
