Worst Jokes Ever

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?

The home button.

Why don't you have a life?

Because you're ugly.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?

The Jackson 4.

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?

A baked potato.

Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?

Because every manhole needs a cover.

Ugh... I hate Anons so much, they're annoying as fuck.

I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!

You must be ice cream because I wanna lick you up.

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

I hope you remembered my name since you’ll be screaming it later.

Is your name winter? Because you’ll be cumming soon.

Don’t have a bike? You can mount me instead.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

Did you make your bed this morning? Wanna unmake it together?

You’re so fine that my zipper is falling for you.