You're so fat that when you were born, the nurse mistook you for the father.
Worst Jokes Ever
If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Why is the queen the most powerful piece in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
What were the twin towers plains?
God's playing Jenga.
At school in a classroom, the teacher asked the kid, βIf you have one dollar and your parents give you five dollars, how much do you have?β Everyone raised their hand except one little girl.
ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?
Nemo was eventually found.
Why do orphans not know Dom Toretto?
Dom Toretto cares about family.
Q: What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved! π
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it wanted to.
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?
A. By using her equal strength.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I canβt."
If you had the strength of an ant, you could lift the pyramid of Giza.
(Ants can lift items 20x their weight.)
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.
The bushes outside got jealous after they saw your eyebrows.
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."
