Worst Jokes Ever
All I wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise*, unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self.
Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find
Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
Me: And this is the room I cry in.
Date: You've said that about every room.
Me: Correct!
I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t feel like screaming.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We’re closed."
I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.
The difference between George Floyd and Kobe Bryant is Kobe got air.
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
Why were her hands purple?
She heard it through the grapevine.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Me.
Me who?
Not me.
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
What do you call a pig that does Karate?
How do you make an emo jump?
A bridge.
Why are the English so bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen.
What does a disabled disco play?
"When your legs don’t work like they used to before."
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.