Worst Jokes Ever

I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.

Why did the Dinosaur cross the road?

'Cause the Chicken wasn't born yet.

I stood on the edge of a building and someone yelled, "Do a flip!"..... and I did.

I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.

A depressed kid takes a drink of water and someone takes it and takes a drink. "Oh come on, the train stopped, the rope broke, I couldn't get on the building, the gun was empty, the knife was dull, the bridge was too low, and the cliff was nonexistent, and now you took the poison!"

I wish I was a toe because I want to be banged all day.

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

"Hey, I heard you were a bit down—where's John?"

"He died."

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I got you food."

(After they eat) "Hey, how did John taste seasoned and cooked?"

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.

I'm just like my LEDs, I'm meant to be hung.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

You wanna hear an Indian egg joke? (yeah-)

Never mind. You won't understand.