Worst Jokes Ever

How are this joke and the kid with cancer alike?

It never gets old.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for Christmas.

He said it was the most violent book he ever read.

Why can't an orphan go on a field trip? They don't have a parent's signature.

Two guys were beating up someone in an alley, so I stepped in to help.

He didn't stand a chance against the three of us.

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.

My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.

Your hairline looks like it got burnt in the Civil War.

What do you call a person in a wheelchair?

Anything they can't catch you.

I would tell you a joke about meat, but the stakes are too high.

What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

What is the difference between a Walking Dead and you? He doesn't feel pain.

Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:

"What advice do you have for people out there?"

As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.

So there was a reason why I hated math.

I suck at problem-solving.

Your forehead is so big you can land a jumbo jet on it.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?

Well, honestly, he’s a real pain in the neck.

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

A baboom.