Worst Jokes Ever

Why do orphans use Samsung?

Because iPhones have home buttons.

What animal jumps the highest?

An emo kid, some of them are still up there.

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?

Frostbite.

I always ask gay people what LGBTQ means, but I never get a straight answer.

What's an emo's favorite food?

Shot gun ammo.

I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.

Why are the lines on the gay pride flag straight?

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.

Then I was even sadder, because that lucky guy didn't even *need* shoes!

Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day."

Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.

Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly."

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.

What’s the difference between Hitler and a bug?

Nothing.

What do you call suicidal Hitler?

Slitler.

Random: What are your hobbies?

Me: Bullying kids in WhatsApp groups 💀

Why do gay people like sports?

Because they get to play with balls.

Everyone: "Look, it's Superman!"

Me: "No, it's an emo."

Everyone: "Oh."

Do you want to hear a cold joke?

Can't. It warmed up.

Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.