My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Worst Jokes Ever
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
What does an orphan call a family photo taking a selfie?
What does Godzilla eat for dinner?
The dinner.
If I had a dime for every time I heard someone say that F was the villain (Alphabet Lore), I would be rich.
If you had a dollar for every time someone said you're ugly, you'd meet someone who wouldn't say you're ugly.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
What do you call a wheelchair kid that is on fire?
Hot Wheels.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Guys, what do you call an un-aborted and parentless child?...
An orphan.
I told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man: Far From Home.